Ok, I’ll admit it. In light of recent events (the Boston Marathon tragedy) I felt what the majority of people were feeling. I felt sad, unsafe, grief for those affected directly. I was born in Boston. Then I felt guilty for feeling affected. I didn’t know any of those runners or bystanders directly. I sent out a text to people in my phone list that I felt the closest to thanking them for being a friend or family member.I posted on my Facebook account a brief message. I wanted them to know they mattered to me. Being a cancer survivor you do tend to appreciate life a little more than those people unaffected with disease or loss.Life really is too short to really plan too far ahead, we aren’t guaranteed any tomorrows.It hits you were you live, literally, in your heart. And I will also admit the one person that I wanted this to get through to, for strictly personal reasons, did not even respond. It should come as no surprise and perhaps it’s a form of torture, some sadomasochist disorder I have become a slave to, but it hurt like hell. They say you trade one addiction for another. Have I traded abusing my body physically with eating disorders, bingeing, purging, starvation and exercise for a form of self inflicted mental abuse? I am smart enough to realize that I am the ONLY one responsible for allowing this hurt to take up space in my heart, so why can’t I just let it go? What am I punishing myself for now? I’m gonna take a few days and think on it, before I continue to write anymore.
Published by christiepage "pando pandemonium"
Confessions of a mad mind~ Author of A Practical Guide to Forgiveness from an Impractical Survivor and She was the Stuff of Stars, Christie Page was born in Falmouth, Massachusetts. She lived in the Nobska Point Lighthouse with her mother and father who were stationed there as a result of his service in the Coast Guard. Shortly after the family made their way to West Palm Beach, Florida where she grew up continuing her love affair with the ocean. She has two children Joshua 26 and Laura 24 and currently resides in South Florida. In 2015 Christie left her twenty year medical career to pursue her passion for writing full time and has been featured in the world’s largest mindful living publications including Chicken Soup for the Soul, elephant journal, Sivana East, Thirty on Tap and The Urban Howl. She was also a feature columnist for Controlled Chaos magazine. An active yogi, hoop dancing enthusiast and self-proclaimed whiskey chick, she is a third generation breast cancer survivor, recovering anorexic/bulimic and is on life six or seven of her nine lives. She has been homeless and sheltered, rich and poor, loved and hated and believes her experiences have lead her down a path of spiritual exploration and awakenings. Christie wishes to share her journey with others in an attempt to come to peace. She writes to clear space from the rolodex that is her muddled mind. Christie View all posts by christiepage "pando pandemonium"