So as I was reading and re-reading my own life story the 2 things I wanted people to get from my life is this… #1 As I have said before I take 100% responsibility for the choices, actions, reactions etc I have made as an ADULT. I find it empowering to take responsibility. I don’t shun it. I don’t pass it off to other people. It’s mine. I own it. I have felt a lot of pain and heartbreak in my life but it has allowed me to know that I can still FEEL something. I am not numb. I have at times shut off and withdrawn into myself for protection, but I still have the ability to feel EVERYTHING… and #2 I don’t want my life to be perceived as tragic. This isn’t a poor me story. It’s just simply, my story. I don’t want sympathy. I want understanding. I want a connection, if not to a single individual, then a group. I want people to look at me, at my life and think if that fucked up, anorexic, bulimic, obsessive-compulsive, abused, broken, damaged woman can get up every morning with a smile on her face and still see the good in the world, than so can I. I feel so fortunate to have survived my life so far. I almost feel invincible. Lately, I feel beautiful. Inside & out, despite my scars…maybe because of my scars. They have taken on a life of their own, much in the way a tattoo can feel like armor, my scars have morphed. I was going to go through a painful laser process to try to eliminate the scar on my face but it’s growing on me. I look in the mirror and think to myself, just one more notch on my belt. I am not done in this life yet. I am just starting. I answer questions about this scar on my face daily. At first, I recoiled, winced, felt the pain of the incident over and over again each time. Now I feel the resiliency in my soul. There is nothing I fear anymore and no one I fear anymore and that is a very powerful place to be. I am not a tragedy. I am inspiration…if only to myself.
Published by christiepage "pando pandemonium"
Confessions of a mad mind~ Author of A Practical Guide to Forgiveness from an Impractical Survivor and She was the Stuff of Stars, Christie Page was born in Falmouth, Massachusetts. She lived in the Nobska Point Lighthouse with her mother and father who were stationed there as a result of his service in the Coast Guard. Shortly after the family made their way to West Palm Beach, Florida where she grew up continuing her love affair with the ocean. She has two children Joshua 26 and Laura 24 and currently resides in South Florida. In 2015 Christie left her twenty year medical career to pursue her passion for writing full time and has been featured in the world’s largest mindful living publications including Chicken Soup for the Soul, elephant journal, Sivana East, Thirty on Tap and The Urban Howl. She was also a feature columnist for Controlled Chaos magazine. An active yogi, hoop dancing enthusiast and self-proclaimed whiskey chick, she is a third generation breast cancer survivor, recovering anorexic/bulimic and is on life six or seven of her nine lives. She has been homeless and sheltered, rich and poor, loved and hated and believes her experiences have lead her down a path of spiritual exploration and awakenings. Christie wishes to share her journey with others in an attempt to come to peace. She writes to clear space from the rolodex that is her muddled mind. Christie View all posts by christiepage "pando pandemonium"