I’ll tell you, I gave this a lot of thought. When is it time to move on? move forward? to re-invent? What is the protocol for surviving a horrific relationship and moving towards a better one? How long am I supposed to grieve? to be alone? to sulk? to rediscover myself? Who determines the “appropriate” amount of time to just BE whatever it is I am? What I have discovered very recently, is that I was never in a relationship. Oh… on the outside and for all intents and purposes that’s what it looked like, but I had NO relationship. Whatever it appeared I had was just that…an appearance. I was alone for every major milestone and event in my life. He was never supportive or empathetic or helpful or consoling. So I found that it was a lot easier to move on than I thought and that my fear of the unknown turned to excitement and opportunity. I found that interacting with people I had previously shut out, turned out to be very rewarding and that most people I knew couldn’t stand to be around him, so they stopped being around me. I rediscovered my love of dance and art and music. I began dancing again just for the sheer joy of it. It’s different now, I am limited in my movement and flexibility due to the issues with my back but I still love it, I dance with and through the pain. I’m hooping again, almost daily, because it is a hobby I love and I find beautiful and an extension of me. I am playing poker in a league where I meet different people every week. I am no longer paying his way, I find I have a lot more money these days…..I’m no longer footing his bill. It’s quite pleasant. So when do you allow yourself to accept being happy? I say the time is NOW. I have been incredibly, almost mind blowing happy and I never thought that it would be in the cards for me. It is not due to another person, but a collection of people who have loved me enough to be strong for me, to wait for me to find my way , when I could not love myself. It’s due to the reflection of myself through someone else’s eyes, that I am finally willing to see. The time is now. I am happy and I deserve to be.
Published by christiepage "pando pandemonium"
Confessions of a mad mind~ Author of A Practical Guide to Forgiveness from an Impractical Survivor and She was the Stuff of Stars, Christie Page was born in Falmouth, Massachusetts. She lived in the Nobska Point Lighthouse with her mother and father who were stationed there as a result of his service in the Coast Guard. Shortly after the family made their way to West Palm Beach, Florida where she grew up continuing her love affair with the ocean. She has two children Joshua 26 and Laura 24 and currently resides in South Florida. In 2015 Christie left her twenty year medical career to pursue her passion for writing full time and has been featured in the world’s largest mindful living publications including Chicken Soup for the Soul, elephant journal, Sivana East, Thirty on Tap and The Urban Howl. She was also a feature columnist for Controlled Chaos magazine. An active yogi, hoop dancing enthusiast and self-proclaimed whiskey chick, she is a third generation breast cancer survivor, recovering anorexic/bulimic and is on life six or seven of her nine lives. She has been homeless and sheltered, rich and poor, loved and hated and believes her experiences have lead her down a path of spiritual exploration and awakenings. Christie wishes to share her journey with others in an attempt to come to peace. She writes to clear space from the rolodex that is her muddled mind. Christie View all posts by christiepage "pando pandemonium"