global warming….and here is where it gets real honest….beyond this moment

So I picked a fight about of all things, global warming. That wounded little girl that feels she doesn't deserve love reared her troubled little head and couldn't accept that things could be going as well as they are. So she stomped her feet and used her voice and started a fight. About global warming!!???  Even I …

photographs….little girl loved.

We flipped through photographs on Easter. My grandfather's photo albums. He meticulously organized and labeled them with a label maker he got for Christmas one year. He was so proud of that label maker. He used it on everything. It makes me smile just thinking about it. I looked through those albums and I could …

bloop. The road less traveled….

Seeking out the pain of others is something I have been doing a lot of recently. Reading blogs, books, online diaries... just about everything I can think of. It makes me feel like I belong. As sad and sick as this may sound, I belong to a network of tortured souls and it makes my …

what it means to be fearless….

I want to live boldly. Emphasis on LIVE. I've spent so long existing, so long being everyone else's everything that I haven't been truly living until recently. I am learning to say "NO" without feeling like I am letting someone else down or disappointing someone or being selfish. Being fearless, living fearless does not mean …

writing from a place of pain

Writing from a place of pain seems easier, seems more poetic, seems universal. We all understand pain, the pain of loss, the pain of disappointment, of broken promises, missed connections, squandered dreams. It connects us. Solidifies the truth that we are all the same despite our origins. Pain unites us in understanding.  For those of …

I’m a gem, I’m violet, I’m the 70’s, I’m the letter z……

In a quest to better understand myself and all that I have been through and perhaps to ease the boredom of certain moments, I occasionally...well ok, I often find myself taking online personality tests or quizzes knowing full well there is little to no scientific data to substantiate the findings. Sometimes I agree with the results, …

Pushing 40…..

I feel pretty damn good for pushing 40....I look pretty damn good for pushing 40.....scars and all. Every ache, every pain, every scar and every memory have shaped me. Could I feel better?  absolutely. It would be nice to go a day without pain, but it's ok. I've accepted that I am going to have pain. …

Penance- the truth about hell…

I've been asked over and over again how I could remain in a relationship with someone who was so abusive for as long as I did. The only explanation I can come up with is penance. Maybe, subconsciously, I didn't believe that I deserved better. It's hard to escape the demons from your past. Sometimes …

So ironic, I snorted.

So they (the bar that E's family owns and that E manages) posted a poster on their face book wall advertising a fund raiser for Cancer.....it actually made me snort and laugh....really? a fund raiser for Cancer? more specifically The American Cancer Society....which is a wonderful cause, don't get me wrong. But I begged E …

how vague…

I suppose that last post seems vague, abstract and maybe even a little off...I realize that in pursuit of my honest life I am going to step on a few toes along the way and that some encounters I have aren't going to be as easy to discuss as others. The things I talk about …