Pushing 40…..

I feel pretty damn good for pushing 40….I look pretty damn good for pushing 40…..scars and all. Every ache, every pain, every scar and every memory have shaped me. Could I feel better?  absolutely. It would be nice to go a day without pain, but it’s ok. I’ve accepted that I am going to have pain. It’s part of my life and it seems it always has been. Could I look better? Sure…I could be thinner, more toned, have less wrinkles, laser away my scars (well, some of them) but who cares? I don’t. Not anymore. I am trying very hard to view my body as a tool for experiencing life, not as a vessel for punishment as I have before. I’ve been so active since losing the 220lbs of dead weight that I carried for over 2 years. By dead weight, I mean E. The cool part, that I’m fascinated with, is muscle memory. It goes beyond just the physical/biologic act. My muscles remember movement but they also remember FEELING….the chemical feeling, I’m talking endorphins. I am talking about the exhilaration that comes from doing something you love and not conceding to sit on a couch all day like I did when I had the dead weight holding me back. It feels good to go to the beach, to run, to bike, to hike, to kayak, to canoe, to camp, to dance, to play. Don’t get me wrong…it hurts too…physically. These tasks come at a price now since the accident…It’s not easy to recover. But the reward is worth the pain. I feel good pushing 40….Every year I age is triumph over adversity.

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