Seeking out the pain of others is something I have been doing a lot of recently. Reading blogs, books, online diaries… just about everything I can think of. It makes me feel like I belong. As sad and sick as this may sound, I belong to a network of tortured souls and it makes my journey valid. I started this as a way to unload all of my painful, fragmented memories. I wanted to sort it all out and make sense of my life. I wanted to understand why I did the things I did and felt the things I felt. I needed to document a life that sometimes even I can’t believe I’ve had. Through this very dark, very disturbing process I have begun evolving into a creature that seeks the light. I have also evolved into a person who shares the experiences, no matter how painful and uncomfortable they may be. I used to keep everything inside, bottled up, shaken to the point of exploding and then I would unleash the inner turmoil on myself. Upon opening up I have been told that I am just seeking attention or drama when in fact it is the exact opposite. You see, I don’t care if a single soul clicks on my links or blogs and reads them. I started this for ME. There are a few type of people who read what I write. Some are simply curious, they know me or have known me and want to just check it out. Some are life long friends that had NO idea the story of my life and have since reached out to follow my progress and show their unwavering support. Some are nosy and could care less about me personally but they enjoy reading about my struggles, some are just plain assholes and they read to report back to others, or discuss me maliciously and then there are those like me who seek out the stories of other people who have been through similar things so we can share in our triumphs over a road less traveled.