There are some losses that affect us in ways we never knew they would. Some that bite at us, that stir such raw emotion that the tears are there before we even know they were in production. I miss my friend. I didn’t have enough time to bust his balls, to give him a hard time, to make fun of him, to be proud of him, to hug him one last time on his visit home. I didn’t have enough time. I want to beat him one last time at poker, I want to drive our mother’s crazy by picking the most obnoxious music to play to. I want to tell him how in that single moment when he was home and we walked towards each other down the street and he hugged me tight and said ” it’s so good to see you” that I knew we were family. I want him to offer me one last shot that I will initially turn down and then inevitably take. I hated opening up the door that day. I miss you my friend.