There has never been a time until now that I wasn’t able to face myself in the mirror. I have always been able to look at my body, no matter what state it was in and accept that it was a process, unfinished, working towards something. I was able to make eye contact with myself, it wasn’t always easy, it wasn’t always without pain or discomfort but I could do it. I have lost that ability. I have lost eye contact. The pain cuts so deep that seeing it will destroy what little is left of me. I am disconnected from my entire being. If I linger to long on any one thought it will consume me, it will extinguish me. There is no flame, no ember, no smoke, nothing but an empty hollow shell. I have fallen down the rabbit’s hole. It’s just black and bleak and empty. I can no longer look with optimism at this prison I occupy. That mirror that i made peace with is gone. I am filled with rage and scarier still is that I am becoming numb. I am becoming numb to the reflection in the mirror.
Published by christiepage "pando pandemonium"
Confessions of a mad mind~ Author of A Practical Guide to Forgiveness from an Impractical Survivor and She was the Stuff of Stars, Christie Page was born in Falmouth, Massachusetts. She lived in the Nobska Point Lighthouse with her mother and father who were stationed there as a result of his service in the Coast Guard. Shortly after the family made their way to West Palm Beach, Florida where she grew up continuing her love affair with the ocean. She has two children Joshua 26 and Laura 24 and currently resides in South Florida. In 2015 Christie left her twenty year medical career to pursue her passion for writing full time and has been featured in the world’s largest mindful living publications including Chicken Soup for the Soul, elephant journal, Sivana East, Thirty on Tap and The Urban Howl. She was also a feature columnist for Controlled Chaos magazine. An active yogi, hoop dancing enthusiast and self-proclaimed whiskey chick, she is a third generation breast cancer survivor, recovering anorexic/bulimic and is on life six or seven of her nine lives. She has been homeless and sheltered, rich and poor, loved and hated and believes her experiences have lead her down a path of spiritual exploration and awakenings. Christie wishes to share her journey with others in an attempt to come to peace. She writes to clear space from the rolodex that is her muddled mind. Christie View all posts by christiepage "pando pandemonium"