It was the moment I felt the true VALUE of my life and the people in it that I began to fight for it. Before that moment I simply existed. I took whatever life threw at me and kept plugging along trying to make the best out of any given situation. But the moment I felt the VALUE that I had, I came up swinging (figuratively) and I will NOT stop. I will not stop fighting for my value. This blog, this has been a place to vent, to express both my frustrations and pain and my gratitude and joy. I don’t apologize for any of it. It is me. It is who I am and what I have been through. I will not apologize that other people of their own FREE WILL have chosen to support this blog and me. I will not apologize for the opinions that anyone who reads this forms. I do not control anyone but myself. I put my truths out there as a form of therapy, as a way to clear space in this overloaded mind and to gather strength from people with similar experiences and feelings, it helps me to know I am not alone. And that scares you. You are scared because the truths are coming out one little fracture in your manipulating exterior at a time, with every random drunk text message threat at a time to a friend. Your lies are finally coming to the surface and you are scared. The sad sad reality is that I did love you. I did protect you, I wanted you to get help, in the process helping me understand how you could do that to someone you claimed to love. I would have gone to the ends of the earth with you….until I woke up. The day you held my need to be back to normal after the accident over me as an ultimatum I woke up. And my life suddenly had a value that I had never felt before. I have no fear because I haven’t done anything wrong. I opened my heart, my family and my life up to you only to have you attempt to destroy everything good about me. I am stronger. I have no MALICE in my heart. I am not operating from a place of evil or anger. I am simply waiting for justice to be done. LEGALLY, as I have emphasized in every single one of these posts….because I do not wish you harm, I have forgiven you, but I will see to it that justice is served, because that is the moral, ethical thing to do, because my life…has VALUE. And I VALUE my life.
Published by christiepage "pando pandemonium"
Confessions of a mad mind~ I am an underachieving superhero, active yogi, flow artist, poet and disciple of life. Single mother of 2 amazing adult children, breast cancer survivor and recovering anorexic/bulimic. I have been homeless and sheltered, loved and hated, rich and poor and I am doing my best to navigate this journey leaving behind as few causalities as possible...metaphorically speaking of course. View all posts by christiepage "pando pandemonium"