Never has a moment been so profound to me.
I have experienced for the very first time true gratitude for this shell I occupy, for my body. This matrix of tissue and bone, spliced together with pieces of donated parts. This vessel marked up from head to toe from one injury/illness or another. Four long decades of bearing the brunt of self inflicted hatred, self medication, cancer, and abuse all carved out along the passages of my skin. Wounds as deep as the grand canyon and memories even more painful.
I love you body. I truly do. You have seen the birth of my 2 greatest accomplishments, my children. You have allowed me to experience the loves of my life. You have allowed me to appreciate the sound of the ocean, the smell of fresh cut grass, the taste of red wine on my lips, the touch of a lover. You have remained strong despite everything that has been thrown at you.
Your shell much more resilient than I ever thought. I never gave you the respect that you deserved. I tried to extinguish your uniqueness. I tried to make you conform to unrealistic expectations. I tried to bend and mold and shape you into something you never wanted to become and could never maintain.
And you stood strong. You kept getting back up even when I thought I had you knocked down. You never quit. Your heart still beat within my chest, lungs still filled with air, and legs that never quit pressing forward. You body, are remarkable and I am sorry for all I have put you through. When I think back on some of the things I have done, I realize I wouldn’t do that to any other living creature, but you were safe…you were my outlet for all things.
Yes body, I do in fact have a true appreciation for you now and I do love you and I will continue to love you. I promise to look at you through new eyes and really see what it is that you have done for me. You have allowed me to occupy you and experience this exquisite life of mine and for that, I am eternally grateful.
I used to think my soul mate was “out there somewhere” waiting to be found. I now know you were right here all along.