That life~

The words flow like tears.

It’s fitting that it should be just she and I. She was the last part of the normal life I was holding on to. She represented a time when my house was not just a building with four walls and a roof but when I had a home and a family and laughter and arguments.When Christmas trees were a necessity and not just a decoration. When birthdays came with cakes and streamers and little excited feet went running through the halls. She was there through it all. She knows all our secrets, all our failures and all our triumphs. She was the last of it.

People know the person I am now. Living single, independent, brave and alone. But there was a time in my life, a very happy time when I was a wife and mother and I threw parties all the time because I loved being surrounded by family and friends. I made horrible cakes and entertained on paper plates. There was a time when Halloween meant my house was buzzing with activity for months and months prior to the actual holiday and it became a grand affair. There was a time when I couldn’t keep food in the house because of the kids and my husband who worked out like a feign. I had that life. And she was there for it all. So losing her is like losing that life all over again.

There is so much more to me than the person that’s here now. I always thought I would be sitting on rocking chairs with my husband watching my grandchildren play in the front yard. I thought I was growing old in that life.

She was the last part of us.

4 thoughts on “That life~

  1. ooh my gosh I’m about to cry. I can relate to this so much and I’ve been fearing this moment for a while now. I have 2 that have been there with me through it all. When I packed up and moved to Chicago, alone – I missed my move in time and ended up with no place to sleep. So day 1, we slept in the moving van together. Day 2, we sneaked into a hotel room with a grocery store purchased litter box and wen’t survivor on Chicago’s butt lol. You have so many great memories 🙂

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