and It was over, just like that. Any hopes I had of things working out for the better or letting things run it’s course…dissipated.
I stared down at the words. I looked at them individually thinking if I could separate them from the sentence that the pain wouldn’t be as great. I dissected them. Individually they had no power but strung together like that…strung together like that… strung together like that those words felt like a thousand pounds of force crushing our fragile little ship, the ship I sailed my dreams upon.
Those words reached up like hungry feelers and laced their suction cups around me pinning me to that moment. I was being pulled under, drowned. Tentacles reaching from within that bottomless despair, crushing my lungs with their weight. I sat staring down at them…waiting to be saved, waiting to see that giant orange life preserver in the form of an apology. I waited there, swirling in my dizzying mind…hands outstretched and nothing came. Nothing came. Nothing came.
I waited even then to accept your retraction…even then I was willing to forgive you, I must have read it wrong, there was a mistake….even then I thought we could build another ship.
But it never came. You simply held tighter until that fragile vessel split it half and succumbed to it’s fate.
This dying thing. Who wants to waste time on ash and bones?