I don’t think there is anything quite as soul shaking as silence.
On one hand silence can help you feel rejuvenated, recharged, allow you time and space for reflection and process…I’m not talking about that kind of silence. I am talking about the one that pains you.
I am talking about the silence that happens after you expose a truth about yourself and you sit….waiting for a response of any kind….any response is better than silence.
For me, when I am met with silence, my brain goes to work filling in the missing pieces. I generate any number of responses within my own mind, none of which are favorable. Silence is rarely a friend of mine.
So I spoke a truth and waited for a response and it still hasn’t come.
So I invent.
And my inventions are far more torturous and arduous than any reality I could face.
I’ve been told to get out of my head, but how can I? That’s the place I live.
Silence is never really that…it’s actually quite deceptive. Silence by definition is the complete absence of sound, only to me silence is louder than any voice and speaks more truth than carefully constructed words. It reverberates through my entire core until I am consumed by it’s magnitude. All the doors in my mind fly open, banging and clamoring. It’s maddening.
And in this silence I know all I need to know…for if there were encouragement, it would have already come. If there were disapproval surely it would be voiced.
Instead silence becomes indifference.
No positive or negative reaction, no charge… just the simplicity of my truth hanging out there on a delicate thread… met with sheering inconsequentiality.