I am battling you doubt.
I am pressing myself to not allow your hold on my thoughts. It is coming with a price this time. I wonder how many pieces I have left to give, before what’s been left behind losses it’s value. The hole is still there, ever present as if it were yesterday and I will myself to not fill the vacancy with temporary fixes.
I could drown you out in whiskey. I could wrap myself in warm bodies. I could succumb to that darkness that loves to envelop me. I could run to the furthest corners of the world and you would still be there. Ever present. Taunting me with your wicked ways.
I faltered. I went back to old ways. I stepped back into who I was so I could forget what I feel. Such a silly girl, always rearing her head at the most opportune times. She knows this curtain call. Her moment, out from the shadowy places in my mind; she’s been waiting patiently for the encore applause and somehow, no mater how bad the performance… it always comes.