Dining alone. (an open letter to the men who think they want to date me)

Dear gentleman,

From the outside I may look and seem like a very good idea. I’m not the prettiest woman in the room, but I’m not the ugliest either. I carry myself with confidence because my grandfather gave me a piece of advice many years ago. He said,

“Christie, the most attractive woman in the room, is the tallest woman in the room and I am not talking about height”

What he meant by that is a woman with confidence is sexy, so I always strive to be the tallest woman in the room. I am pretty secure in what I bring to the table and am happy in my own company. I am financially stable, I have a career, an education, hobbies and friends. I have a stable family life and have already raised two successful, grown children who no longer reside under my roof. In other words, I got this. So I get that the checklist portion of dating a woman like me seems appealing, well here are some things you might not know.

I expect you to be a gentleman. I truly do. The days of falling for the bad boy are over. I do not find it remotely exciting to wait on pins and needles to see if your going to call or text. No my friend, I expect you to follow through, to be on time, to make plans, to hold the door and yes I expect you to pick up the tab (at least on the first date). You see, I’m not looking for a free meal, I treat myself to those quite often. I am looking for you to show me that you were raised with better values, morals and manners than this world allows.

I am expecting you to treat me with respect and kindness and in turn, I will treat you like a king. I have much love to give and much passion to express, but I am not in the business of doling it out to just anybody. Those days are long gone. I used to give and give until there was nothing left because I chose the wrong man. I am much more selective now.

It has nothing to do with thinking I am better and everything to do with knowing my worth, my value. I expect to be valued.

I recently went out with a man who was very promising and on one particular date he called as he was supposed to be arriving to pick me up to tell me he was running almost two hours behind schedule. He failed to communicate that with me earlier and forgot apparently that you can see one’s activity on social media. He didn’t call or text me prior to being late, but he was able to post on facebook.

Because I had not heard from him in the seven hours prior I made other plans. I am not waiting for anyone. I took that as a sign that whatever activity he was engaged in was more pressing and carried more value to him than our original plans and that was fine with me. I was already on to something else.

He was upset by my indifference to seeing him. Yes, please re-read that statement. This man was 2 hours late for our pre-planned date. He did not call or text me that he was going to be late prior to the time he was supposed to be there. He was clearly active on social media, which meant he had access to a phone or a computer, yet he chose not to reach out to me and he was upset that I was indifferent to seeing him, when he clearly placed more value in something else.

My response to that was this. “If you want to be invaluable to me, if you want me to care whether or not I see you then you act accordingly. If you want to be treated like an option, you act the way you did today and that is exactly what you become, an option and I’ve opted out.”

There was a time in my life where I may have listened to his excuses, where I would have allowed this person to manipulate me into feeling bad for a mistake they made. But I’m not that girl anymore. I do not question or second guess myself and I am certainly not going to make excuses for poor behavior.

I now place value in myself and I expect you to do the same. And before you go getting the wrong idea, I am in no way a prima donna. I am just as comfortable sitting in a dive bar, shooting pool as I am at a 5 star restaurant. It has nothing to do with where we are going and what we are doing so long as it’s done with respect.

It’s not rocket science. It’s actually a simple equation, I will treat you exactly as you treat me. Do unto others….or something like that.

So if you want to date me, you are going to have to bring so much more to the table because I am just fine dining alone.

7 thoughts on “Dining alone. (an open letter to the men who think they want to date me)

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