I watch you struggle and I feel it in my bones. It’s as if the weight of the heaviness on your heart presses mine in such a way, that my shape is changed by your pain, because I’ve felt it too.
I know how raw this rejection feels. I know what it is like to give someone the absolute best that you have to offer, your most evolved self and have them simply turn it down. I know what it is like to taste the sugar soaked lips of half truths and I know what it is like to stand full and accepting, arms reaching to embrace a shadow.
I know that empty, gut wrenching feeling of looking into someone’s eyes and believing all the hollow promises, because in that moment, they believe it too. The difference my friend, is that you are ready and you are available. They are not.
I watch as you doubt your own worth and it pains me to see. You should have the luxury of seeing yourself as those around you do. You are valued. You have worth. Your heart has an endless capacity for love. Your compassion knows no bounds. The gifts you have to offer are exactly that, gifts. And the person you chose to bestow them upon should be able to appreciate every bit of you.
You are stronger and better than any one moment with any one person. And I know this doesn’t make it sting any less. I know the pain of loving someone, of feeling a connection that goes beyond superficial matters. I know in this world how rare it is to come across such things, but I assure you, I promise you, the time will come when someone will see all that is good in you and be ready to invite you in.
You deserve more than shadows. You deserve more than words. You deserve that same toe curling, butterflies, air supercharged and lightening madness that you feel for her. You deserve it reciprocated back to you ten fold. You deserve to have a love that stops you in your tracks, that sweeps you off your feet, that doesn’t leave you questioning for one moment in time whether it’s real, or if it will last.
You deserve to never question intent or motive, fantasy or reality. You deserve to know with one hundred percent certainty that the love she feels for you is not fleeting, is not dependent on the perfect set of circumstances or of rules followed. You deserve that and then some.
You my friend, are me, you’re her, you’re them, you’re him. You are all of us who have loved and sacrificed for the wrong one or at the wrong time.
You are the lesson to never settle, to never give in, to never accept scraps from the emotionally unavailable and make due with anything less than an all in.
So stand tall my friend, chin up and walk proud with the rest of us searching for the same thing. I know that no amount of carefully constructed words will quell the disappointment or confusion. I am well aware of this as I walk around doubting my own skin, but I do believe that our time will come. And the shame of loving does not lie with us, it lies with those would would take from us with no intent to give.
In our world, it’s all about the all in. And you deserve the call.