Dear Gentleman, (open letter to the men who think they want to date me part duex)

Although, if this letter also resonates with you, please feel free to use it.

Dear Gentleman,

Let’s just get right down to it. I do have the capacity to understand that in today’s disposable society the culture  is to get as much information out there as humanly possible and then decipher this information like Morse code. However, if you divulge your life history or even your dating history in the first 20 minutes of conversation then all bets are off.

On TMI= tooooo much information: 

If you begin by bad mouthing your ex, I have serious concerns about your integrity as a human being. I don’t care if your ex sent you a full HD video of her gang-banging 20 of your closest friends, I really don’t want to hear how you think she’s a psycho-slut from hell. If you bad mouth her, chances are if things go south with me, you’re likely to do the same. Also, please save your clinical psychosis diagnosis for the real professionals. Unless you have Ph.D, MD or DO or are a licensed mental health professional I find it offensive for you to label your exes. Tell me why you fell in love with your ex in the first place. We all have exes, we’ve all been burned before and we all know that there are 3 sides to every story. Make the side you tell me highlight the best parts of you both. 

On dick pics:

Unsolicited dick pics, although a great laugh for me and my friends are completely unwelcome. I prefer to discover the goods on my own, through direct contact. Leave a little something, or a big something as a surprise, trust me I absolutely will disqualify you based on a sub-par dick pic, even if I really like you. Women take this very seriously, we look for clues about you as a human in your picture.

Did you care enough to pick up your dirty clothes from the floor before sending? Is that a lint roller on your dresser? Why haven’t you man-scaped?  Are you seriously wearing black socks and nothing else? The angle is all wrong? What’s with the lighting? Did it die? What’s wrong with the color? Is that a filter?

I’m using pic stitch to line them up in a comparison and playing matching games with my friends with your tinder picture.

On planning the date:

Suggest something, like take initiative, plan the date…I promise I will be happy with almost anything you decide so long as you are respectful and on time. But if you’re swirling around with a million options I am going to think you’re indecisive.

On over-sharing:

Also, I don’t want to know everything about you all at once. I want the build up. I want to peel you like an onion, strip your layers, I want to learn the intricacies of your thoughts. I want to know what makes you tick, why you smile, what you’re passionate about. I want to know what you dreamt of being as a little kid, and if you ever did it. I want to know your favorite food and what ice cream you ordered from the ice cream truck. I want to know about your first crush and your first kiss and your first time. I want to unfold you in such a way that the creases in the story of your life become bookmarked in my brain.

On magic:

And here is the insane caveat. I am going to tell you what I’m looking for and I am going to give it to you straight.

As a woman, I want you to look at me like I am magic, because quite frankly, for the right person, I am. I want you to never want to stop learning me. I want to be a mystery that you don’t wish to solve. I want to hold you captivated with a look or a crooked smile. I want you to be fascinated at the way I view the world, because I see with words.

Thanks for reading gents,

The Unicorn.

 

 

18 thoughts on “Dear Gentleman, (open letter to the men who think they want to date me part duex)

  1. YESSSSSSSSSS!!!! “As a woman, I want you to look at me like I am magic, because quite frankly, for the right person, I am.” – Christie you took my breath away with this. Kept it real, short and sweet. Loved it!

  2. Reblogged this on mind JO business and commented:
    Support Sunday Ep08: I missed my Reblog Support Sunday AGAIN guys! But I couldn’t let you miss out on the amazing piece from Christie that I wanted to share. So I’ll ask again that you pretend today is Sunday for me lol. My girl Christie represented many women in this letter to men who want to date her; this line alone just made me drop the mic “As a woman, I want you to look at me like I am magic, because quite frankly, for the right person, I am. ” YES! If I don’t blow your mind, please walk away sir, because I’m looking for a man who I make explode. Please enjoy this read!

  3. Really Christie, I picked up the dirty clothes , adjusted the mirrors for optimal lighting effect and nicked my scrotal area shaving . And you still don’t want it?

  4. Great read! I was dying when you said “If you begin by bad mouthing your ex, I have serious concerns about your integrity as a human being. I don’t care if your ex sent you a full HD video of her gang-banging 20 of your closest friends, I really don’t want to hear how you think she’s a psycho-slut from hell.” So true.

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