I didn’t think it was possible for my heart to break any further than it already had. I didn’t think there were tears left to shed. I didn’t think that suffocating sadness could wash over me, take my breath and leave me rocking that little girl on the inside, in a desperate attempt to sooth her aching soul.

It is a dizzying madness, this self doubt that has been unleashed. And all the thoughts I said I would never entertain are taking center stage. And as hard as I try to push them away, they demand to be heard and the pain demands to be felt.

I didn’t realize that I could be consumed by the loss of you a second time. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind a flicker of hope loomed, so minuscule that I was completely unaware of it’s bloom. I didn’t dare acknowledge it. I certainly never nurtured that possibility, I just kept it quietly there in the darkest corner of my mind and it silently grew roots.

Today that stem was pulled loose and with it came an infrastructure of prospect. It lifted and layers of sentiment fell loosely into the hole that my love silently carved out for you. And that hole grew bigger and bigger with each passing moment until no amount of rocking could pull that little girl out.

 

 

 

 

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