I am doing my best to listen to my soul, my gut, that thing that tells you what you should be doing. I am trying to practice the art of letting go, of patience, of giving up expectation in exchange for peace… but man is it hard.
I am having trouble right now reconciling something that I feel. When I try to put it behind me it seems that everything in the universe puts it directly in front of me as if to say “you can’t run from this”.
I don’t feel like I am running.
It feels as though I am trying to do the logical thing and move forward, but it feels wrong.
It all feels wrong, this moving on.
My soul found it’s counterpart, of that I am sure. Of that I have no doubt. It is the one thing in my life that I know beyond any other feeling I have ever had. I am not saying that this soul completed me. I am complete without him. I am a whole being still capable of all the things I was before and after him…but my soul recognized this man as someone it has been looking for.
The logic in me wants to discount this as fairy tale or fantasy, but that feels wrong too. So I am trying to listen to this voice from deep within that says it’s okay to believe in magic. It’s okay to believe in the happiness that came from seeing something tangible.
I felt it.
It was real.
The unfortunate thing is that no action, no words, no thing on my part can change anything that has happened or anything that will happen. I guess I have to trust that whatever is meant to be, will simply be. But man is it hard.
I am listening Universe.
I am listening and I need a little strength today.