It’s me, Christie. Or as my friends and family call me, Page.
We have not yet had an opportunity to become acquainted. You see I’ve been busy being a practical person. Getting an education, working, marriage(s), raising children… you know, the usual. Only my life has not been so usual, it’s been exquisite.
I had dreams growing up. Dreams of what my future would be. The first one I can remember was that I wanted to be the first female fighter pilot. My grandfather was in the Air Force and we used to build model airplanes together and I hung them in my room, which at the time was a walk in closet. Then somewhere along the way that dream turned into wanting to be a dancer and a choreographer and that dream was fulfilled for a while. So I guess you could say I was lucky that I got to experience it, even though it wasn’t exactly the prima ballerina spot I was hoping to fill. But none the less, I got to dance on a stage and that was okay.
And then much in the way that things usually go…life happened. And well, you already know from looking back on my life where that took me. My personal dreams just stopped and to be honest all I focused on was survival.
I survived abuse. I survived running away. I survived rape. I survived (am still surviving) eating disorders, OCD, and depression. I survived being a teenage mother. I survived marriage and divorce. I survived cancer. I survived 21 surgeries. I survived being hit by a truck. I survived heartache. I survived deception and betrayal. I survived.
I survived with gratitude, appreciation, hope and even my sense of humor in tact.
But that’s all I have been doing. Surviving.
I’ve been learning the lessons of my life the hard way.
I haven’t seen the world. I haven’t traveled. I haven’t had time to stop and smell the roses or even the weeds for that matter.
So World, today begins my first day. I am coming to see you. I don’t know how. I don’t have a plan. I don’t have money, but I never have so I figure now is as good a time as any to open my arms and hope that you invite me in warmly.
I don’t expect that this journey will be a smooth one. But I do expect that I can take all these hard lessons and apply them in a way that is meaningful.
I am empty right now. I am in immense pain. I feel undervalued and I am hurting. I am coming to you empty, battered and worn. I am hoping that you are as bountiful as I have heard you can be.
I want to learn new lessons and see new faces and find some solidarity.
I ask that you don’t hold me gingerly, but that you shake me by the shoulders and force me embrace all the beauty that is outside of my practical world.
I want to roar with freedom. I want you to challenge me to rise to the bar that I set for myself.
I am coming to meet you World. I know you’ve been waiting a long time for this too.
I know I am terrified, I hope you are too…we have much to learn from one another.