Chasing the Unicorn

I gotta tell you…when I first heard the phrase “chasing the unicorn”  I thought to myself…oh lord, another label thrown out there by commitment phobic men to explain their lack of monogamy and interest in settling down; and then I thought, you know what… I’m chasing the unicorn too. I am going to jump on that bandwagon and ride it until the unicorn comes home.

Aren’t we all chasing an allusive mix of qualities? I mean if it were up to me I would be paired with a tall, dark, handsome, deaf, sterile, orphan, mute billionaire.  No in-laws or children to split his fortune with. No complaining, at least verbally. I wouldn’t have to ask if he was listening to me, I would already know the answer and he would look damn good. I mean that’s MY unicorn. So with that blue-print in mind I can callously weed through men until those specific criteria are met. Who cares if he’s charming and witty? What does it matter if we have similar interests and can engage in intelligent conversation? Why settle for a reasonably handsome man with a modest bank account who adores me when I can keep searching and searching for that perfect one? Why focus my relationship goals on someone close to my wants and desires? Why cultivate that relationship when just around the corner… might be something just a little bit better?

th8S3K9SOTYou see where I am going with this?  Gentlemen, your “unicorn” is right in front of you. Every woman is worthy of that ridiculous title. How about instead of searching out there for the next best thing, you look right here…right in front of you…no, not me, I’m on my quest to find my own unicorn. I’m talking about the woman right in front of you. The one that has 80-90% of the qualities you are looking for, because NEWS FLASH….chances are you aren’t every single thing she has on her check list either. And that’s okay!

In today’s culture everything is disposable. We are in a constant state of upgrade, the next best phone, tablet, vehicle, TV, video gaming system and the list goes on and on. Most of the time there is not a damn thing wrong with the thing we have except that societal pressure leads us to believe that without the latest and greatest model we are somehow missing out. We’ve applied this philosophy to relationships, allowing this thought to bleed into the fabric of who we are.

The implementation of social media and technology has made it increasingly easier to replace people as often as we replace cell phones.  Gone are the days of working through issues with your partner and learning them, accepting them and loving them through thick and thin. Now if your choice of craft beer doesn’t mesh with mine (I’m an IPA & Sour kinda girl) then I can simply go on IPAonly.com and swipe right to find a more suitable match instead of celebrating our differences.

I reflect back to my grandparents marriage. They were married over 50 years and I know, without a doubt, that at some point they probably wanted to kill each other. They probably had knock down drag out fights over one thing or another, yet they pressed on. They knew that the only way was through adversity, not around it. They invested their hearts deeply in one another. It’s not that their choices were any more limited but they knew that superficial differences didn’t matter.

We have gotten so accustomed to getting what we want when we want it, that the art of the relationship has past. The word relationship is :the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. In other words we have to learn to RELATE to each other and connect with each other, not pass each other off for the next best thing, only to realize what we had was indeed exactly what we wanted all along.

So instead of always looking around the corner…think about this… we all are someone’s unicorn.

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