Gentlemen …let me help you out. I’m going to give it to you straight and before you go getting your panties in a bunch I am not referring to every man. I am referring to YOU. The one that is going to understand this article. The one that this is going to magically click for. And trust me, it’s going to click for at least one of you.
STOP BEING LAZY.
Look, it’s as simple as this. You need to view your relationship like a job that you really, really want. And then you need to view your relationship as a job that you really, really want to keep.
Here’s the deal, when you go on a job interview for the most part you go prepared. You wear a nice suit or outfit. You take care to shower and smell nice. You shave appropriately. You wear a nice watch. You know that when you get there you are going to engage with whoever is interviewing you. You know you’re going to shake hands firmly and assertively. You’ll make eye contact. You’ll ask questions that pertain to the interview and the job that you are interested in. In other words you are on pointe.
Now the good thing for us is that you approach dating the same way, which is exactly what we’re looking for. You show up for the date wearing your “go-to” outfit, you smell nice, you engage us…Hell, if we’re lucky, your mother raised you right and you open doors and lead us into a room by the small of our backs. You converse, you’re witty and charming. You ask questions, you flirt.
Now let’s say you land that dream job. Your hard work and diligence pays off and you are now the proud employee of company XYZ. What do you do now? You work. You work hard. You know that in order to advance, in order to get that promotion or raise you have to prove yourself. This is when the real work starts. You have to show up on time every day. You have to be presentable every day. You have to go above and beyond and often assume more and more responsibilities to show the person who hired you that are worthy of that position up to approximately 90 days later. If it all works out, you get to stay. This continues for the duration of your employment. If you show up late, come in looking like a hot mess and forgo your responsibilities, what happens? You usually get a warning and then if the same behavior continues, you get fired. Simple as that.
Now let’s apply that same principle to dating. You land the dream girl. You call her “girlfriend”. And then what? Well gentlemen, I am here to tell you that this is where the majority of you start to fall off the bandwagon. You get comfortable. You get lazy. You no longer dress up or smell nice. In fact, you have suddenly adopted a “wife-beaters are outer-wear” attitude and we’d be thrilled if you looked like the latest Calvin Klein model, but chances are…you don’t. Basketball shorts are dressing up and sandals or slides are your shoe of choice. We’re lucky if you remember where you left your cologne, let alone if you actually use it. Holding doors or opening car doors becomes a “whoever gets there first”. Sometimes you don’t even remember to press the automatic unlock and we’re left standing there tapping on the window. What kills me about this move is that you look genuinely surprised when we can’t get in the car. You don’t hold the door or lead us in a room by the small of our backs anymore. Usually we’re left walking under the one arm that you’re holding up the door with or walking a pace behind you.
No, no, no.
You see where I am going with this right? If you want to keep the very thing you pursued in the beginning you have to put in the work. Your woman is not holding any deep rooted secret and expecting you to figure it all out. No. She wants you to put in the same work to keep her as you did to get her.
Now I understand that some of the perks of becoming a couple are that you can relax a little around one another. It’s ok to have those lazy Sundays lying around on the couch eating pizza in your pajamas but if this becomes the norm, she’s looking for the exit.
There is NO magic formula. There is NO hidden agenda. A wise person once said “don’t do anything in the beginning of a relationship that you aren’t willing to do for the duration of a relationship”
Us chicks, we’re a lot simpler than you give us credit for. If you brought me flowers to woo me, then please keep that coming from time to time. I’m not saying we want or expect those things all the time but to cease all together well that’s just lame. We fall in love with the small gestures. They let us know you are thinking about us. That you haven’t forgotten how to be charming and thoughtful. A very good friend of mine used to go to the coffee store next door to his girlfriends work and have the barista bring her her favorite cup of joe with a handwritten note on the cup without ever walking over to say hi himself. I found that to be so endearing. That’s the stuff we want. Those are the gestures we remember.
Just like at your dream job if you stop paying attention to the details the next best candidate will get reap the rewards. And the same goes for your girl. There is always someone eyeing her the way you once did waiting for that chance to put his name & number on her cup of coffee.
Tighten up Gents! Tighten up!!!