There’s no running from Alice

There’s no running from a truth once you accept it. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve written about it before. I used to use every vise I could think of to escape the pain of feeling. But I have learned that pain does indeed demand to be felt. We can’t look forward to a future if our pasts haven’t been confronted.

So as summer transitions to fall, I too will transition into the next phase of my life, without…

Perhaps the lesson was to learn to love unconditionally and just as unconditionally let it go. I used to go in open…I won’t lie and say the I still do. I am wary of everything, things that appear to good to be true, things that appear real. A part of the trust I had in myself is gone. I am desperate to get that innocence back.

I’ve spent so much time alone that I have begun to think that that is how I am supposed to exist in this life and frankly I am okay with that. Over the past year I have done more things on my own than I ever did before. I’ve traveled, I’ve been on a cruise,  I’ve hiked for miles, I’ve sat at the ocean’s edge, I’ve gone to movies I wanted to see, eaten alone in a restaurant I wanted to try and I am no worse for the wear because of it.

It has taught me that I’m not such bad company.

I’m not such bad company.

So I think I will spend this birthday enjoying my own company over a cup of tea at my favorite place and this year I will pull that little frightened girl far away from the edge of the hole and make an attempt to avoid Alice and the white rabbit…they’ve had enough of my time. I won’t run from my truths, but I will also not ask them to dine.

 

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