Waiting to exhale

There are moments when the breath you draw holds for a pause at the top of your inhale and you allow yourself to breathe and fill the spaces that you’ve kept closed off and things seem brighter. Yesterday that moment came for me as I was waiting anxiously for the last and final HIV and Hepatitis C rapid blood test to come back since my rape in September.

My story can be found here


All negative by the way, so for that I am eternally grateful. But the pain and trauma of why I was there in the first place didn’t escape me. Its never left me, not for a single day since it happened. But yesterday, on the smallest scale I had a victory.

I have been waiting since April 24th for the preliminary hearing officer to make a ruling on the findings from the Article 32 and as I sat in a tiny little chair in the corner of my doctor’s office I got the news.

There was enough evidence to not only support a trial for sexual assault on multiple counts, but also for RAPE as it pertained to me and my case specifically. Happy is not the word I would ever use to describe what I felt, but relief was.

Someone impartial heard the evidence, someone IMPARTIAL, someone whose job it is to ascertain if there is enough probable cause to determine whether or not a CRIME took place said “Yes…there is enough to move forward with a trial”

There’s no guilty verdict…YET, but there will be.

I am more confident of that now than I have ever been and it has solidified and validated my decision to seek justice for myself and hopefully prevent this monster from preying on other women. I cried yesterday. More than I’ve cried in a long time. This battle isn’t over, its just beginning but the fact that someone else, someone respected, that impartial someone could see through the lies and tactics of the defense, that someone who reviewed the evidence, who listened to the video recording confession of my rapist Keith Alan Snyder and my distraught 911 call from the driveway of his home immediately after my rape, that impartial someone who viewed my bruises and weighed my account found enough credibility in those things to move forward. That was everything…

I’ll take every victory I can, no matter how small because it means that the time for justice is coming and I will not stop fighting for myself, not now, not ever.

I am a god damn warrior. I am a shameless survivor. Let it sink in, let it wash over you, let it settle into all the places you think you can run too…

There is NOTHING…nothing you can do, or say, or twist, or bend to fit YOUR narrative. The TRUTH is the only narrative. The truth is the ONLY victor and the truth will be served. I’ll be the one with the biggest fork, waiting to take the biggest bite. If I have to live with the sentence of RAPE, so will he. Only my sentence was never a choice. His was.

I’m ready for this battle.

I am no loner waiting to exhale.


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