Today is about me. It’s about me being honest. I can’t always take the high road and you know what? I don’t always WANT to take the high road. I’m hurting like hell. More than I ever thought possible. I hurt in ways I can’t explain, ways that won’t make sense to anyone, well maybe one person but I can’t, so I don’t make sense. I just hurt.
It’s really hard to explain what it feels like to be in the middle of a conversation with your friend and have your mind triggered by something completely innocuous and no longer be focused on what your friend is saying but instead trying not to scream at the top of your lungs with your head back, fists clenched, chest thrust forward, that guttural sorrow that you know is just sitting at the back of your throat waiting to escape but you know if you let it out that you’ll no longer resemble anything human, so you choke on it.
It’s impossible to explain that there is no closure. This isn’t simply something you put on the shelf. Everyone wants you to heal…yea, I’d like to heal too. I don’t enjoy missing my soul and feeling as though I’m simply existing for everyone else’s benefit, so I don’t cause anyone else pain by dying even though they’re perfectly fine asking me to continue to suffer by living. How do you explain that to someone and expect them to get it?
It’s so isolating, to feel this sorrow, to grieve for yourself when you’re still alive. I have to find shards to hold on to every single day. Every single day looking for that silver lining, that thing that doesn’t give up and some days I just don’t want to fight anymore. I’ve been fighting every single moment of every single day for the last three hundred and eighteen days and I’m fucking tired of it.
I want MY fight to MATTER to someone else and to matter in a way that spurs ACTION. Words are lovely and encouraging and thoughtful and I appreciate them but I want someone to pick up the battle ax and start swinging because my arms are tired.
I want someone to explain to me how a man who is charged with SIX counts of sexual assault with bodily injury on multiple victims, who has harassed and stalked me for the last 318 days, who has received disciplinary action for violating his No Contact and Military Protective Orders, who was arrested and served time for DUI and lied to the military about it, who had an adulterous affair within the military resulting in a pregnancy, who is currently using his current girlfriend to stalk and harass a teenage girl and there is PROOF is STILL wearing a military uniform, STILL has custody of his daughters, STILL has access to an arsenal of weapons DESPITE an eye witness who gave testimony to investigating agents that he was in violation of his Military Protective Order and actively stalking ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How many women need to be raped, assaulted, abused, stalked and harassed before something is done about it?
My full story can be found here
How is THIS man still free and receiving the support from ANYONE???
WHAT is this world?????????????????????????????
If it angers you, if it spurs action you can call and ask the Patrick Air Force Base legal department yourself…
(321) 494-2281 Patrick Air Force Legal Office.
I need help in this fight for justice and I’m calling for it. Please share my story, make the call!