indomitable

I feel strong.

I feel powerful.

I refuse to entertain an ounce of shame for what was done to me but I had to sit in meditation for a long time with my ego.

I had to get severely uncomfortable.

And I learned.

I learned more about myself that first week of trial than I ever have. I learned that I could relive my most painful memory and despite it all, I prevailed…even though I am still in the thick of this trial, I have already prevailed because the truth does matter.

Here’s the thing, my fellow survivors that you must grasp…NOTHING can change the truth. NOTHING can change the facts. NOTHING & NO ONE can alter reality to fit their narrative. Oh they’ll try…it won’t be for lack of trying…but it simply doesn’t fucking matter.

If someone wants to paint you as “crazy, mentally ill, unstable, a liar, psychotic,  deranged, calculated, out for revenge, looking for attention”,  or any other variation in an attempt to draw the line of responsibility away from someone else’s criminal actions…let them!

Tell them to paint away!

Let them call you whatever their hearts desire…

let them…because NONE of it matters.

My fellow survivors please know that NONE of it matters.

The only thing that matters is YOUR truth.

So what if you’ve lied in your life, does that mean you deserve to be raped? NO

So what if you suffer from mental illness? Does it mean you deserve to be raped? NO

Have we all done things we’re not proud of? absolutely

Do we learn with each experience, good or bad? absolutely

I don’t care if you showed up at your perpetrators house naked with a sign that said “fuck me”

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO AT ANY POINT!  END OF STORY!

let me repeat that for those in the back of the room…

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO AT ANY TIME….PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The shame lies with the person or persons who did not respect your wishes.

CONSENT one time does not mean CONSENT each and every time…It’s not a blanket free- for-all…if you violate someone’s consent it is RAPE.       PERIOD!!

For me personally, I don’t fear judgement, not even in the minutest of amounts…there is nothing that can be said about me that has any impact on my feelings of self-worth, of shame, of value.

NOTHING.

The people in my life are there by design, they are supposed to be and when they chose to exit, IF they chose to exit that is solely on them.

I am not here on this planet to win a popularity contest.

I’m not here to make everyone like me…in fact you can hate me all day long and it STILL doesn’t mean I deserved what was done TO me by someone else’s complete lack of regard for me, for the law and for their own future.

This is what it is like to feel free of shame.

I DON’T OWN THIS CRIME, MY RAPIST DOES.

SO…what’s the worst thing that can be said about me as it pertains to this case and this rape?

I made up fake profiles on social media to contact the women I knew my rapist was sleeping with in an attempt to not only warn of possible STD/STI’s which one woman confirmed but to let them know what kind of a monster they were dealing with. I made up those profiles and I perpetuated their “existence” while attempting to gain that information. I did that because I found out that my rapist had used the same sex toys on me that he used on other women, utterly fucking disgusting and a behavior that put ALL OF OUR HEALTH AT RISK…sometimes I was well received, other times I was not.

I made up conversations, answering myself back as these fake profiles in order to perpetuate the lie. Yep, I did that. More than once…more than twice…

I understood the women who did not choose to listen, I was them once too. I have been contacted myself through multiple fake profiles, women reaching out through social media with their own complaints and concerns about Keith Snyder and at times I rejected their stories, preferring to believe that the man I knew and loved couldn’t possibly be that big of a monster…until I woke up. Inevitably they ALL wake up, that’s why there is such a labyrinth of victims in this man’s life.

I used those fake profiles to obtain information in order to confront my rapist…yup I did it…Am I proud? not especially…but it was a means to an end and I have accepted my role in a very toxic relationship. BUT THAT STILL DOESN’T MEAN I DESERVED TO BE RAPED…

Just in case you were thinking that not agreeing with someone or not liking what someone did is somehow the same as obeying the rule of law…or that one can overlook the law  simply because they don’t like the other person for whatever the reason…You still DO NOT DESERVE EVER TO BE RAPED…EVER. PERIOD.

So there it is…my horrible truth which clearly exonerates my rapist from any responsibility right? (sarcasm in case you’re missing it or attempting to take it out of context)

My name is Christie and I made up fake profiles and lied about it to warn other women about a man who was putting their health and wellness at risk, willfully and deliberately to feed his own desires, which he admitted to doing, in texts that I have turned over to the prosecution.

See this is called honesty and sometimes it hurts to have a microscope on your life, it certainly is unnerving…but the bottom line is, it’s MY life and I alone have to answer for any wrongdoing I have done. I’m okay with my past and it is my personal belief that the only way to truly live free is to be honest and own your mistakes (and to be frank, I don’t know if I’d do it all over again, it got me the answers I was looking for and revealed the monster that I was dealing with)

That is one of many differences between me and my rapist, he’s still busy trying to blame anyone and everyone for the choices and willful decisions he has made. When the dust settles and he is found guilty, there will be no denying the efforts he and his attorney have gone to to attempt to disprove allegations that they both know are very real, very factual and very damaging.

So my fellow survivors it really boils down to this…

the ONLY thing that matters is your TRUTH.

YOU are not responsible for someone else’s criminal actions…

I don’t care if you’re a sex worker, if you’re a drug addict, if you’ve been in jail, if you’ve said yes before, I don’t care if you’re mentally ill, I don’t care if you’re developmentally challenged. I don’t care if you’re a member of Mensa…NO MEANS NO.

That’s it….that’s the only thing that matters.

everything else is filler…

want to paint me as a scorned woman, out for revenge because my rapist was such a fabulous human being that I couldn’t stand to be without him? okay

want me to be a criminal mastermind who convinced other victims of this man (whom I’ve never met in person until the trial) to make up rape allegations of their own, in which BOTH were a year prior to my own rape? okay

want to say that I made up the rape as a way to get back at a lying, cheating, manipulative scumbag? okay

want to say that I was desperate for his attention and wouldn’t take no for an answer as it pertains to a relationship? okay

want to say that because I was wearing lingerie UNDER my clothes so that means I was begging to be raped? okay

I’ll let you in on a little secret…when you have ALL of the things that make you a woman removed, like your breasts due to cancer, or your uterus/cervix and ovaries due to tumors that have doubled the size of your female anatomy you find other ways to reclaim your femininity.

For me it was sexy lingerie under my clothes. It has been since 2008 when I lost both my breasts, both of my nipples and the majority of my skin due to cancer and needed to be reconstructed with cadaver tissue.

ohhhh how risky…a woman trying to rebuild her life after cancer likes sexy lingerie…well there’s your smoking gun!

Try to reconcile the loss of your breasts, to have nipples tattooed on, to have multiple reconstruction efforts made due to complications from surgery and feel as wholly unfeminine as I did for as many years as I did…if that means sexy lingerie to feel better about my loss…so be it…

Does that mean I wasn’t raped? NO

I HAD a collection of lingerie that could have filled a small clothing store and I loved it and here’s another little secret…Amazon sells lingerie cheap, cheaper than most retail chain stores like Victoria Secret (although their products are amazing, just a bit out of my price range)

Does that mean I DESERVED to be raped? NO NO and in case you missed it…NO

Oh and for the record, because I looked it up, Victoria Secret actually DOES sell body stockings, I was asked this question once…they’ve even been on the runway at their fashion show. I included the photos at the bottom of this post as well as a link. You know I don’t like doing anything without having some proof somehow to back it up. Now granted it isn’t the same black fishnet body stocking that I was wearing once which has a relevance of zero, but I was asked if they sold them and it appears, if you’re willing to spend the money, they sure do.

It also looks like they stepped up their lingerie game since I last checked. It’s funny their lingerie looks very similar to what I had. I feel like warning Victoria Secret that they may be promoting rape with their new “the Black Edit” line, at least the way the defense puts it; if it didn’t come from Victoria Secret it MUST be deviant!

And as I try to make sense of the possible defenses I guess the argument is that I bought lingerie NOT from Victoria Secret but from another mainstream source like Amazon…and that somehow by having purchased lingerie that isn’t from a chain store then it must mean I would have “begged” my rapist to do what he did? Is that the argument? that I wanted rough, non-consensual sex because what I was wearing under my clothes wasn’t purchased at one of Victoria Secret’s fine stores? well that makes sense…it’s science! & sarcasm for those keeping track…

(based on my lingerie purchasing habits) I would say that the ONLY defense that they have is not to deny that the rape happened, but to say that I begged for it…you know…MORE science!

We all know the video evidence, the 911 call, the DNA match, and the subsequent days of my rapist apologizing for hurting me simply does not support the argument they are trying to make… so what to do for a defense? attack the character of the victim…go for it.

I am NOT hiding anything, nor am I ashamed. I think a tactic that relies on tainting the jurors or judges perspective of me is weak at best…I think relying on a judge or jury to not like me in hopes that they’ll ignore the hard, fact based evidence of what happened that night is also weak.

But I think as trial looms closer at some point they’re going to have to decide what defense they’re going to use…

Which is it? Criminal mastermind, master manipulator, scorned ex, mentally ill, colluder in chief? All of the above??

If I colluded why wouldn’t I have done so a year earlier when another woman (NOT me) stated she had been assaulted?

Why wouldn’t I strike at the height of my anger?

Why wouldn’t I exploit the new found betrayal that the other victim felt at that time?

Why wait if I was so awful and despicable and hell bent on revenge!?

I’m pretty logical and it seems to me if revenge were the motivation, the time to do that would have been in the heart of finding out about the cheating, the betrayal, the lies and the manipulation, the use of the same sex toys and the spreading of STds /STi’s. I mean it seems really silly to wait more than a year to “drop the hammer”

If my rapist was so desperate to get away from me why did he manipulate me? lie to me? beg to talk to me? beg me to be with him and give us a chance? Why did he profess his feelings for me AFTER the rape in an attempt to get me to meet him in person? (which I refused…also supported by evidence which has been turned over)

If I was so desperate, why not take him up on his offer to meet in person? lay out my cards? blackmail him? why not use that leverage? Why go through this long arduous process of having MY entire life dissected over and over again…oh that’s right…it was RAPE.

If MY rape was simply a mistake of fact and he had NO idea that what he did was wrong then how do you explain the other victims?

Victims that came BEFORE me??

and if it was simply a mistake of fact with ME…how did we get from “oh he thought he could do that with you because you were wearing lingerie under your clothes, but you’re also a criminal mastermind who planted evidence in someone else’s messages to suggest a sexual assault years earlier and then colluded with essentially two strangers to make up rape allegations that already happened,  that aren’t really rape according to the defense because he thought what he was doing was ok anyway”

You know, how do we get from point A being: Ssgt Keith Snyder had no idea what he was doing was wrong at the time with you in 2017, so it wasn’t rape… to you and two strangers colluded to frame someone for two other sexual assaults that happened prior to yours and therefore yours is just a mistake of fact and those two are lying? throwing away their lives to frame you? cause you’re so amazing and there’s so much to gain from framing you for crimes you committed? Like I’m legit confused here…I imagine the jury will be as well…

Is that about right?

How convincing and amazing must I be to get two strangers whose details I don’t even know to go into a diabolical tryst to set up the great Keith Snyder, now Staff Sergeant, oh that’s right, he was demoted for other criminal activity recently…but nevertheless.

And he’s so great right? the new widow who preys on women on social media and dating sites, who cheats as often as he breathes air, who lies, who manipulates, who triangulates you with other women, who calls you crazy to anyone who will listen and then tells you he loves you in the next breath…someone who isn’t motivated to do much of anything except let you take care of him and his kids because he is too lazy to do much else…someone who sits on his ass all day eating candy in bed and not adulting because life is just too hard on him…Isn’t it funny how many crazy exes he has??? Isn’t it odd how many women orbit this one man? How many accusations, fake accounts, mistrust? And the one common denominator each and every time is him…

So what’s it going to be? Just hoping to throw everything and the kitchen sink, distract from the facts with fluff filler? Hoping the judge or jury will dislike me enough to discount actual tangible facts? okay

I BELIEVE in the people who believe in the integrity of the system and the defense may be fancy and full of showmanship…but all the “dancing around the courtroom feigning frustration over questions” in the world can’t take away the fact that Keith Alan Snyder of Patrick Air Force base is a serial rapist, who raped ME, wearing lingerie or not. That is a fact, a truth that will not ever change.

My fellow survivors…NONE OF THE FILLERS MATTER…unlike Giuliani the TRUTH IS THE TRUTH and it DOES matter…

I’m ready to bring down the whole fucking corrupt system.

I am ready to go to war.

My narrative…my life is just that…MINE!

I’ve never felt stronger or more prepared in my life.

INDOMITABLE.

The images below are taken from the online Victoria Secret catalog…link below, at least now I know where to shop if I don’t want to be raped… (sarcasm, in case you missed it…again)

A side note to Victoria Secret if you’re reading this, I love your products… it’s just that your brand came up in my serial rape trial as if to say that because I did not purchase the lingerie that I was wearing from your store then whatever I had on under my mock turtle neck, jeans and shoes must have meant I wanted some kind of deviant, violent and non-consensual sex, according to the defense. I honestly thought it was one of the most disturbing things this defense attorney stated and I plan on releasing the transcripts of the motions trial when I am legally allowed to do so.  Someone’s undergarments and where they were purchased have absolutely nothing to do with rape. Absolutely nothing!

…until we start asking victims of robbery what they were wearing under their clothes or victims of carjackings or victims of identity theft or any other crime we continue to perpetuate rape culture.

It’s utterly disgusting that the mind-set of a man who has HEARD with his own ears the video confession of my rapist to try to make any of this about me…well he also picked the wrong victim to attempt to bully.

The TRUTH matters.

I will not stop until justice is served. I will not feel shame. I will NOT take the responsibility for my rapist, his willful decisions or his continued victimization throughout this process.

it isn’t Winter that’s coming….it’s ME as TRUTH and justice WILL be served.

Period.

End of story…JUSTICE, not revenge, not vengeance…justice for the multiple crimes he has committed against multiple women.

And those of you who continue to support this vile, little pathetic rodent are going to be exactly where you belong…visiting him in jail

https://www.victoriassecret.com/lingerie/back-to-black

 

 

 

 

 

 

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