Maybe I left him better.

Maybe I left him thinking outside the box.

Maybe when the wind blows at just a certain time, he’ll pause in search of signs from the universe and maybe, just maybe he’ll listen this time.

I’m not afraid of goodbyes anymore. After I listened to my heart, I simply gave in to a certain reality and that alone helped ease my mind.

I’m so proud of me. I’m sitting here so proud of me and how utterly unbreakable I truly am. Every time pushing through pain after pain, wound after wound on my fragile heart…

And letting me feel?!?!

My God!

Do you know what a feat it is to still want to feel???…anything at all??

To want to connect no matter how painful, no matter how hard I may fall?

It’s like listening to the most beautiful piece of music and it just hurts. It hurts your heart so much how beautiful a piece of art can sound.  That is how goodbyes should be.

Goodbye should be an indelible scar on each other’s soul. A beautiful tragic super chasm. An end to a new beginning.  But this time…whoooooaaassaaa…

I’m breathing but I’m not breathing, you know?

I never dreamed to you, I was disposable.

So I guess this is one of those live and learn moments, a “now you know”

That indelible phrase…

“I didn’t come here to watch you sleep” you

and me “No?”

My soul, well you know…I keep getting splintered off, we’ve had that talk…

I’ll wear it proudly, though, because I was honest and real and me the entire time. Good, bad or otherwise, transparency my code. Now I’m not sure I ever knew you at all.

This goodbye was Pearl Harbor, but still I’ll rise. ~

“You were the boat that bridged
In the tale of Conrad
We will never be the change
To the weather and the sea and you knew that,
You were the boat that bridged
In the tale of Conrad
Oh I loved you with the good
And the careless of me
But it all goes back,”

 

Thank you,

Nana

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